Kokubun Konexión

Want to re-learn gratitude for all you have ever had? I might suggest you spend the weekend with someone who has lost it- I mean all of it, and you will for sure be thanking Him again.  

The longer I live the more I am convinced that the key to happiness is not found in fulfilling my own wants and wishes, but rather in loving God through serving and loving others.  This basically looks like a daily giving myself away.  Perhaps put into spiritual terms: dying to self and living to Him?

 

This weekend, I had the highest honor of getting to know a precious couple.  They are in their mid-thirties and have two boys, ages fourteen and five.  This family of four has traveled across three countries on a bus for 6-7 days straight.  While having a home, car, and belongings in Venezuela, coming to Peru means they lose everything and have to completely start over in this thing we call life.  Venezuela is in dark days.  Thousands and thousands are having to flee the country.  They mentioned to me the only food available was rice and cheese.  After months and months of instability: the dollar changing in value various times daily, no security (they kill for a wedding ring), crazy government and little order, imagine packing a suitcase and leaving everything you have ever known to start all over again. 



Last week, Sharon told me she needed a job.  When I asked her profession she told me, "Here they tell me I am only good for ironing, cooking, and cleaning…" Her voice trailed off.
"No," I asked again,  "What is your profession?"  It does not matter to me how many times others may take advantage of the myriads of Venezuelans who are here and willing to work 12-14 hours days for below average pay.  I'd rather know what she's been trained for to see if we can get her a good job.

She then dared to smile and told me she does business administration.  



Due to the insurmountable numbers of Venezuelans in Perú, with an employment rate already quite low in the country, these dear people are fighting for their lives.  They found a one-room bedroom to rent- way up on top of the mountain for a little less than $100 US dollars a month.  To them, this is the best they can do.  They have nothing: only the bags with which they crossed the borders.  One small room, one light bulb, water in the bathroom, and their few belongings is how they make do today.



Sharon told me, "You know it is one thing to trust God when you have things and say you would trust Him no matter what.  It is a whole different thing to trust Him day to day when you literally have nothing, I mean, nothing."   I have never seen a happier person alive. 

Yesterday she said, "You know, I’m just grateful we get to have this moment together.  I am grateful for my husband and my two boys, that we get to be in church."

Today she spoke of abundance.  ¨It´s one thing to have it all,¨ She stated.  ¨It is another thing to lose it all and have someone give something to you.  All of a sudden, abundance is not the amount of things you have.  It is that one grain of rice you get to hold in your hands.  That is abundance because you look to God and say 'Thank you for THIS.'" I sat and stared at her, tears filling my eyes at this display of true gratitude towards her Father.  She left today with two bags full of kitchen utensils and food my roommate and I scrambled around the house to give away. 

My roommate gave a teddy bear to Sharon's 5 year old.  Sharon giggled with glee as she held the teddy bear up to her little boy and helped him name it: Teddy, no Rigoberto, no Eduardo, no Pedro.  I suppose when you have one teddy bear, you can give it as many names as you like!

I reached for my winter scarves and couldn't decide which to give her, so I took her mine and had her pick. 
¨Which do you want?¨ I asked.
¨Which one's your favorite?¨ She asked me, not wanting to pick that one.

 ¨No way.¨ I told her.  ¨You get to pick!¨ She squealed with delight as I handed her the one she picked as she bragged about how gorgeous the color was.  She put it on immediately and wore it the rest of the night.  



Perhaps abundance is not found in the number of things we have, but instead the heart of gratitude we have for what's been given.  Perhaps happiness isn't found in the abundance of things, but rather in how much we can give ourselves away. 

The longer I live, the more I'm convinced that God gave me the best mom in the whole world.  She was seriously the coolest person ever, and was always looking for ways to make our lives fun.  Every single Christmas and Thanksgiving she would pull out the cookie cutters and make tons and tons of sugar cookie dough so we could make bunches of cookies.  She was always looking for occasions to celebrate, and I think we had cookie cutters for every season of the year, actually.

Making perfect cookies can be hard.  You have to have just the right amount of dough, a perfectly floured surface, get the dough to the perfect thickness and then press down.  Just as soon as you make a perfect cookie, your brother reaches over to squash it, and in tears you have to start all over again.

I know it's a rather pathetic comparison, but maybe it's not such a stretch of the imagination to think that God at times takes our cookie cutter plans in life... and crushes them?  In tears and confusion, we look up and begin to question.  But God?  Why???

When God takes our fairy tale story or cookie cutter plans and seemingly destroys them, we have to ask one question:

How much are we willing to let go and let God have HIS way?  Our joy in life from that moment rests on the extent to which we can surrender to His will.  How much can we let go of our pre-determined plans, our "expectations" of what we thought life 'should be like' and accept the rest of His hand written story.  Until we are willing to let go of our preconceived notions of 'what should have been' we cannot hold out empty hands to God and openly receive what He knows really 'should have been'. 
Many people get bitter or stuck right at this point in their lives.  Instead of getting better and letting God break them in order to create a better, more useful vessel; they get bitter, stubborn or proud, and as a result God can no longer use them.  How tragic!

We often forget Jeremiah 10:23, "O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps."

Somehow we think that the American dream gives us license to pick and choose what we will do with our lives.  We truly come to the place where we believe that God somehow "owes it to us".  Like we should get to decide how we live, what occupation we like, and what to spend our time doing.  What does the Bible say about this philosophy?
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says,  "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."


We somehow feel like we have the right to live our lives exactly how we want to, instead of living in humble surrender to God.  Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps."

Are we really letting God direct our steps?  Are we fully surrendered to HIS plan?  Or do we keep struggling, trying to push our own agenda?

In the last two years, I've lost two of the most influential men in my life.  Losing the first, was definitely the hardest thing I've ever been through.  Though I don't like admitting it, I know that losing the first was God's way of preparing me to help lead and guide a whole church through losing their man of God.  Has it been easy?  Absolutely not.  Not in the slightest way.  Watching them walk through this valley has been incredibly taxing on this girl's heart as it's broken yet again into a million tiny pieces.

I know and understand that I could not find happiness or contentment when I looked at what God had seemingly taken from me.  I felt crushed, hurt, confused.  Why would God let this happen?  I know that each one of our members feels the same way.  At their core, they all ask the same questions that I did when I lost my man.  I ask the same questions they do, over and over in my mind, and yet I know the answer.  The answer is, "How much am I willing to surrender my cookie cutter plans of how I think life is supposed to be, and instead hold open my hands to accept the life God has for me?"  
"How much can I let go of my preconceived ideas of perfectionism in my story to receive His perfect plan?"
Death to self is a daily decision.  But sometimes it's even more fresh than that.  It's a million deaths to self.  It's a million deaths to what I want in order to say yes to HIS best, even when I don't understand how or why this could be his best.  Does that make sense?  I hope you can get this.  It's truly changed my life.

So now, instead of holding my cookie cutter and begging God to place the perfect amount of dough inside it,  I ask myself perhaps a thousand times a day, "How much can you let go?"  "How much can you surrender to His way, His plan?"  

Is it ever easy, Heather?  Haha, no.  Never.  But God never called us to easy, did He?  He's looking for warriors.  Warriors who are willing to do His will, no matter what the cost.  Tears flow, knees bend, and I fall flat on my face in surrender to His will.

Will you give Him your cookie cutter? 

I stare at my cold bowl of oatmeal sitting on my office desk and realize it’s 12:20pm, and I still haven’t had a chance to finish my breakfast.  I laugh inwardly as I remember a conversation I had earlier in the week with a young mom who asks me, “So just what do you do in the office?”
I wanted to sarcastically comment, “Oh, nothing I guess….  I just sit and wait for the phone to ring.”  As if being in the ministry is really just sitting around, not doing anything much at all.