No Reserves, No Regrets, No Retreats
5:34 AM
It all started Sunday night in church. I love IBI and I love the way
Pastor Daniel Hubbard observes and celebrates the Lord's supper. We celebrate about once a month, and each
time, God touches my heart, and teaches me something new. Last night Pastor was preaching about Jesus,
how He left everything in heaven to come to this earth. Immediately, I started thinking about the
things we left in the States to come here and live. (Honestly, there really isn't much we
left. True, I haven't set foot in a
Wal-Mart in almost 6 months, but there are other stores. Traffic here is a wreck- literally, I pray
for safety much more now than I used to, and sometimes I face fears of being
robbed.) Compared to what Jesus left in
heaven though, what we did was NOTHING!
Then Pastor talked about how Jesus went all the way to the cross for us. He held nothing back, absolutely nothing. He was totally all about His Father's business! Nothing was too much for Him to give up; nothing! I looked up the passage He was preaching from later in English, and this verse caught my attention: John 19:28- "After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished...." Conviction sinks deep into my soul as I read this. There is no "I" in Jesus. There is no "what I want" in Him. He was completely surrendered to the will of God with His life, with no reserves.
Bear with me a minute, as I very frankly and honestly share with you from the past few weeks of my life. These past few weeks and months have been totally different for me. I grew up in a family with a working father, and a mom who was always home for us. Dad worked his hours faithfully at work, and then came home to us. Dad worked a few nights overtime every once in a LONG while, but whenever he came home, he was always HOME. I had no idea going into the ministry that it would mean my husband was "on call" 24/7. (I give every Pastor's wife permission to LOL right now :)) From getting phone calls all hours of the day and night, I have felt like "my time"(with my husband) has been invaded. I have wondered how in the world anyone has a personal life like this! There have been no "weekends" as I remember as a child, and some weeks no days off. I think the worst was when we were very busy around Thanksgiving and it hardly felt like it was a Holiday. (I didn't even get to go Black Friday shopping at Midnight... but wait- they don't celebrate Black Friday here! :( ) I have been frustrated to the hilt with not knowing in "advance" about emergencies that would call my husband away from home in the evenings or any time of day. (Please don't feel sorry for me, I am not writing this to get sympathy.)
Then Pastor talked about how Jesus went all the way to the cross for us. He held nothing back, absolutely nothing. He was totally all about His Father's business! Nothing was too much for Him to give up; nothing! I looked up the passage He was preaching from later in English, and this verse caught my attention: John 19:28- "After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished...." Conviction sinks deep into my soul as I read this. There is no "I" in Jesus. There is no "what I want" in Him. He was completely surrendered to the will of God with His life, with no reserves.
Bear with me a minute, as I very frankly and honestly share with you from the past few weeks of my life. These past few weeks and months have been totally different for me. I grew up in a family with a working father, and a mom who was always home for us. Dad worked his hours faithfully at work, and then came home to us. Dad worked a few nights overtime every once in a LONG while, but whenever he came home, he was always HOME. I had no idea going into the ministry that it would mean my husband was "on call" 24/7. (I give every Pastor's wife permission to LOL right now :)) From getting phone calls all hours of the day and night, I have felt like "my time"(with my husband) has been invaded. I have wondered how in the world anyone has a personal life like this! There have been no "weekends" as I remember as a child, and some weeks no days off. I think the worst was when we were very busy around Thanksgiving and it hardly felt like it was a Holiday. (I didn't even get to go Black Friday shopping at Midnight... but wait- they don't celebrate Black Friday here! :( ) I have been frustrated to the hilt with not knowing in "advance" about emergencies that would call my husband away from home in the evenings or any time of day. (Please don't feel sorry for me, I am not writing this to get sympathy.)
Then I hear about Jesus.
He was all about His Father's business.
He didn't come to the earth to spend time with an earthly
"family", to enjoy life, or to do whatever He wanted. He came to earth to save the world! So I begin evaluating my own life. I didn't come to Peru to have a gorgeous
home. (Although I think I do :)) I didn't come to Peru to enjoy long weekends
of sleeping in and grilling out. (Not that either of these are wrong) I didn't
come to Peru to vacation and take it easy, (although it only takes about 100
feet to get to the ocean from my front door.
Yes, I know I'm spoiled!) I
didn't come to Peru to enjoy myself, and make myself happy. I came to Peru because there is a whole
nation of people who have not yet heard the Gospel. I came to Peru because there are hungry
souls, who are literally dying to know that there is a Savior, that there is
hope. I came to Peru because in my city
alone, there are 9 million people who need to know that Jesus loves them. They need to know the truth; that Christ died
to save them from their sins. They need
to know that it's not about the "virgins" and "idols" they
worship, it's about the cross. It's
about how He came to save their souls and give them eternal life. They need to know that they personally must
accept the free gift Jesus offers, and that no one can do it for them. That's why we came.
And while we are working on our schedule, and hoping that
things won't be quite that bad again, what if they didn't ever get better? Am I content to give all like Jesus did? Am I willing to let Jesus have
everything? We sing "All to Jesus I
surrender" but is that what we really mean? What if I never had another Holiday? Would that be ok? Would I be willing to give it all up for
Christ? I'd like to say Yes, I would.
But in doing so I must remember that we are to daily pick up our cross and follow Christ. Because it's a daily surrender to Him. It's a daily, "All to Jesus, I
surrender."
And so, I continue my journey, ever hoping to become a little more like my Jesus. Less of me; more of my King. The reset button is being pushed and it starts now. No regrets, no reserves, no retreats.
And so, I continue my journey, ever hoping to become a little more like my Jesus. Less of me; more of my King. The reset button is being pushed and it starts now. No regrets, no reserves, no retreats.
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