The longer I live, the more I'm convinced that God gave me the best mom in the whole world. She was seriously the coolest person ever, and was always looking for ways to make our lives fun. Every single Christmas and Thanksgiving she would pull out the cookie cutters and make tons and tons of sugar cookie dough so we could make bunches of cookies. She was always looking for occasions to celebrate, and I think we had cookie cutters for every season of the year, actually.
Making perfect cookies can be hard. You have to have just the right amount of dough, a perfectly floured surface, get the dough to the perfect thickness and then press down. Just as soon as you make a perfect cookie, your brother reaches over to squash it, and in tears you have to start all over again.
I know it's a rather pathetic comparison, but maybe it's not such a stretch of the imagination to think that God at times takes our cookie cutter plans in life... and crushes them? In tears and confusion, we look up and begin to question. But God? Why???
When God takes our fairy tale story or cookie cutter plans and seemingly destroys them, we have to ask one question:
How much are we willing to let go and let God have HIS way? Our joy in life from that moment rests on the extent to which we can surrender to His will. How much can we let go of our pre-determined plans, our "expectations" of what we thought life 'should be like' and accept the rest of His hand written story. Until we are willing to let go of our preconceived notions of 'what should have been' we cannot hold out empty hands to God and openly receive what He knows really 'should have been'.
Many people get bitter or stuck right at this point in their lives. Instead of getting better and letting God break them in order to create a better, more useful vessel; they get bitter, stubborn or proud, and as a result God can no longer use them. How tragic!
We often forget Jeremiah 10:23, "O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps."
Somehow we think that the American dream gives us license to pick and choose what we will do with our lives. We truly come to the place where we believe that God somehow "owes it to us". Like we should get to decide how we live, what occupation we like, and what to spend our time doing. What does the Bible say about this philosophy?
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."
We somehow feel like we have the right to live our lives exactly how we want to, instead of living in humble surrender to God. Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps."
Are we really letting God direct our steps? Are we fully surrendered to HIS plan? Or do we keep struggling, trying to push our own agenda?
In the last two years, I've lost two of the most influential men in my life. Losing the first, was definitely the hardest thing I've ever been through. Though I don't like admitting it, I know that losing the first was God's way of preparing me to help lead and guide a whole church through losing their man of God. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. Not in the slightest way. Watching them walk through this valley has been incredibly taxing on this girl's heart as it's broken yet again into a million tiny pieces.
I know and understand that I could not find happiness or contentment when I looked at what God had seemingly taken from me. I felt crushed, hurt, confused. Why would God let this happen? I know that each one of our members feels the same way. At their core, they all ask the same questions that I did when I lost my man. I ask the same questions they do, over and over in my mind, and yet I know the answer. The answer is, "How much am I willing to surrender my cookie cutter plans of how I think life is supposed to be, and instead hold open my hands to accept the life God has for me?"
"How much can I let go of my preconceived ideas of perfectionism in my story to receive His perfect plan?"
Death to self is a daily decision. But sometimes it's even more fresh than that. It's a million deaths to self. It's a million deaths to what I want in order to say yes to HIS best, even when I don't understand how or why this could be his best. Does that make sense? I hope you can get this. It's truly changed my life.
So now, instead of holding my cookie cutter and begging God to place the perfect amount of dough inside it, I ask myself perhaps a thousand times a day, "How much can you let go?" "How much can you surrender to His way, His plan?"
Is it ever easy, Heather? Haha, no. Never. But God never called us to easy, did He? He's looking for warriors. Warriors who are willing to do His will, no matter what the cost. Tears flow, knees bend, and I fall flat on my face in surrender to His will.
Will you give Him your cookie cutter?
I stare at my cold bowl of oatmeal sitting on my office desk and realize it’s 12:20pm, and I still haven’t had a chance to finish my breakfast. I laugh inwardly as I remember a conversation I had earlier in the week with a young mom who asks me, “So just what do you do in the office?”
I wanted to sarcastically comment, “Oh, nothing I guess…. I just sit and wait for the phone to ring.” As if being in the ministry is really just sitting around, not doing anything much at all.
“Oh, so you’re a missionary.” I can just hear it coming… another glances at me puzzled over what in the world keeps me so busy... But what could you possibly to do to fill up that many hours in your day? I mean you're a girl... You don’t even preach, right?
Do you ever feel misunderstood? Like no one else out there really gets it? Or understands what you’re going through?
Do you ever feel judged? As if you can do nothing right? As if even if you did, you’d still be condemned and doing something wrong?
I’m often reminded that Satan is the great accuser. His ways are guilt, condemnation, frustration, pain, doubt. “You’ll never be good enough.” “You can’t make that much of a difference.” “What talents do you have to offer?”
At times, people are quick enough to judge, and through their judging, we feel condemned. Accused, condemned, guilty.... But why God? I’m just trying to serve you!
I heard a sermon the other day... that the majority of us will live the most of our lives being or feeling misunderstood. That didn't set well with me. I'm Heather: the people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy with me, my life and work. I want to bring a smile to every single face I possibly can. If someone’s not pleased, then maybe I did something wrong, right? And I quickly analyze my life to see what I did wrong.
Recently, one of my counselors bluntly told me, "Heather, you've got to stop. You cannot please both men and God. The Bible says it's impossible, so quit trying."
One day, we'll all stand before the throne of God and give account. Account for all we did, account for every way we spent our time, account for all we did or chose not to, gave or chose not to give, told or chose not to tell. I'm learning that being understood or praised, misunderstood or criticized, I must live for one thing, and one thing only.
Live, for the audience of ONE. We don't have enough time to worry about what everyone else thinks about us. Shouldn't just knowing that He approves be our enough? What’s my greatest motivation? Knowing that someday I’ll face the Lover and Creator of my soul. You know how you can walk into a room and if you get the “head nod” then that’s all the greeting you need? You know you’re chill, or welcome? That is what I live for: His nod of approval.
Matthew 5:11,12a says, “Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven:
Not a one of us likes it when evil is said against us. But God says, "Hey! How’s your response?”
Rejoice? What? But I don’t like it when I feel others accusing me. But I don’t like criticism when I’m trying so desperately hard to do everything right I possibly can. But God, He commands us… to rejoice! And then I love the rest of verse 12, “for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.” As if the Lord gently says, “Honey, you’re not the first, and you won’t be the last. This thing is common to all.”
Joshua reminds us that God will fight for us. He is our great defender. Joshua 23:10,”For the Lord your God, he it is that fighteth for you.” And then He encourages us to keep the main thing, the main thing in the following verse, “Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the Lord your God.”
Misunderstood? Perhaps. Attacked? Maybe. Condemned, for sure. Do I deserve it? Absolutely. I’m a sinner just like everyone else. I make stupid mistakes all the time. But what does Joshua exhort us to do? He brings us right back to commandment number one. Because commandment number one is what really is important: Love Him.
Come what may, may we keep loving the Lord our God. May we always endeavor by the grace of God to live for His nod. If we live for His nod, we’ll find that one day nothing else truly mattered.
I just can't take grave stones. I can't handle when I see people posting pictures of tombstones on Facebook like it´s absolutely nothing. I accompanied my father-in-law to the grave the other day. I told him it´s one of my pet peeves. Everyone comes and happily chats with their family like it's a holiday (and sometimes it actually is, and yes I'm serious!). But me? No way. Death is the worst, the absolute ugliest thing I have ever seen...
Tragedy strikes, a young, innocent child dies of cancer. Why? What happened? How could God let something like that happen? Is God really good? An elderly man gets sick and they discover HIV, a whole family is diagnosed with a sickening disease for which there is no cure. But they were such a good family… They didn’t do anything wrong. What went haywire? Is God angry? Did he forget?
So I think to myself...many say God is good, according to HIS standards, but that doesn't necessarily mean He's going to do good for me, right? Or make my life favorable? Bestow blessings? Doubts flood our minds as we daily see the realities and difficulties of life. Why would a good God ___________? You can fill in the blank with your own pain, I'm sure.
When my husband died, I went through such intense pain, pain like I never even knew existed in life. It brought me to my breaking point where I began to question everything I'd ever believed. Where in the Bible does it say God is good, to me? I can accept that He may be good as in His own, lofty, "Godly kind of good to Himself kind-of-a-way", but good to me and my personal life?
I can recite and chant Romans 8:28- "All things work together for good to them who love God..." but many doubts enter into my mind… so maybe I don't love Him enough? Maybe I did something wrong? If so, God just tell me what I did! Maybe I do not love Him with all my heart and He simply cannot bless me? I mean, the Bible does say God is just, and as much as I hate it, I sin more than I ought.
Coming to my own confused conclusions one day, I simply stubbornly promised God just one thing: That if He never ever did anything good in my life again... I would still serve Him and love Him every day, because of Calvary. Recently, I was reading Psalm 23 with one of my girls. We got to the last verse and something stuck out to me. Perhaps I have read or quoted the Psalm hundreds of times before, but I had never seen this gold nugget of truth.
¨Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me....¨ When?!?! All the days of my life. Here. This life. He promises good here--- all the days of my life!
Life? This life? This crazy, insane life? This life full of unwanted tombstones, tragic deaths, hurt, confusion, abuse? This one in which at times we feel everything may be falling apart instead of falling into place? This pain? This heartbreak? This journey? Good? For me?
What a promise! Right here in one of the most well known Psalms ever we see it is true. Surely, certainly, you can count on it, truly, goodness shall follow you! And if I don't see His goodness... what then? Could it be His promise has failed? Could His Word not be true? Or could it be that we fail to SEE His goodness in our every-day lives? Could it be that our focus is not on what God would have us to focus?
I believe sometimes we focus too much on the tombstones in our lives. Now, I´m not minimizing grief. I believe there is a time for everything and consider myself a serious and expert griever. But when we focus on the tombstones in our lives, our vision for everything else becomes clouded. The tombstones prohibit us from seeing the goodness of God. But when we look for His goodness, we will find it. We will see that in one way or another, His goodness has been there all along. When we focus on God's goodness, the tombstones of our lives don't seem quite as threatening anymore.
Reading about the children of Israel, I see another promise, "that he might humble thee, and that he might prove thee, to do thee good at thy latter end...." Deuteronomy 8:16 sounds an awful lot like Jeremiah 29:11, doesn't it? "Thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..." in the Hebrew language, expected means a hope, or the thing that you long for in the end. That is a pretty serious promise from a very good God, if you ask me!
So today... just know, although you may be facing dark, troublesome storms… He's still working out His plan for YOUR good. It might seem like the bottom's falling out of your world, but He's there, carefully molding your life into His perfect story. He promises us good, ALL the days of our life. He promises, surely goodness will follow you. Will you look for His goodness today?
The photo I used for this post, was taken by Mrs. Rebecca Pattison. She and her husband Chris are missionaries to the Philippines. I thank God for like-minded friends who are using their lives to reach the world for Christ!
